Thursday, June 23, 1988

Thursday, June 23, 2005…

As I sat in my car in front of the local amusement park waiting for the two youngest of my four daughters to arrive, feelings started to rush through my head.  I felt my so much pain.  The pain was for the struggles of my seventeen year old daughter.  We’d been facing them for quite some time now.  I was divorced and felt alone in my role as a parent.  Jessica was becoming more distant, more confused, more resentful towards me.  I ached with every once of my being and the words came.  I thought they started out for her.  I rummaged through the car for a pen and paper.  In the end, I knew the words were for me… Loving comfort for me.

To my oldest daughter

Defining moments we have many
But, to take back we haven’t any.
Would I? I ask myself.
And then I stop to contemplate
The choice I made as I chose my mate

Regrets in life I can think of a few
But oh the joy when I held you!
What could I give you, if I had my choice?
A wonderful life, no tears, no pain.
Eternal bliss would be your gain

Have I laid the road?
Have I shown you the way?
I’ve tried my best. I’ve loved, I’ve cried.
I’ve sat up at night and plead with the Father.
Never before have I said why bother.

Seventeen with the world by the tail.
I’m worried now, don’t let me fail!
This world is quickly changing.
Please stop me Lord from interfering.
Help me not to be domineering.

Upon the cross he freely bled.
Remember what the scriptures said.
I hurt, I moan. Father! Do not leave me alone!
Did you love us as much?
What gift did you place within our touch?

Quietly it came…
“To act, to choose, my darling daughter,
It means so much!  Someday you’ll see!
Feel the peace that resides in me”.
I can’t… I’ll try… Help me please!
I feel lost.  Don’t let her be!